Mother's Memory
by ShinobiCyrus
Summary: It's Mother's Day, but many in Tokyo 3 have nothing but faded memories of their Mothers to cherish. Rated M for brief but strong language.
1. Nightmares in Neverwhere

**Despite popular belief, I do in fact, not own _Neon Genesis Evangelion_. That would be Gainax. Oh, and I don't own Mr. Donuts either. Never heard of it? Go to Japan. Give your tastebuds a littlepiece of foreign paradise. **

Shinji's eyes, half-lidded as his mind slowly crept awake, stared blankly above him.

_A new morning. Just another day; waking up to the same old ceiling. _

Save his own breathing, the apartment was a slumbering quiet. It was the weekend, after all. Misato would be hibernating until at least noon after her long night-shift at NERV, and Asuka usually slept in after a long week of school, sync tests, and Evangelion combat training. And with no one to feed him, even Pen-Pen would be dozing inside his spacious little refrigerator until somebody woke up.

But Shinji didn't like the still silence. He had spent most of the week's mornings like this.

It was the dreams.

No, dreams aren't supposed to do this to you. It was a nightmare, plain and simple. All week, the same nightmare dominated Shinji's sleep. Every night, it churned through his mind until he could stand no more and finally woke himself up, always early in the morning; leaving him cold, drenched with sweat, and afraid to try falling asleep again.

Those first few seconds of waking up- when reality and the Neverwhere of your dreams blur together- offered him only a few surviving fragments of that recurring nightmare he thankfully forgot:

_It was his mother._

_His father was there too…younger, but somehow taller…almost towering._

_A laboratory, a wall of glass._

_GEHIRN_

_A Beast behind the window…something grinning at him from underneath a tangle of cables and wiring._

_Mother…_

_Alarms…shouts…yelling…something's wrong…_

"_Where's Mommy?"_

Shinji sat up in his bed, wiping the thick sheen of perspiration from his forehead. The dream's meaning hadn't been lost on him; every day he woke up in the morning was just another repetition of their little 'family' routine. But today was not just another day. The dreams were there to remind him, to make sure he never forgot.

Today was different.

It was early in the morning on a weekend, but Shinji knew he'd still be there. Untangling himself from the sweat-dampened sheets, his bare feet carried him across the carpet to his cell phone- waiting patiently on his desk as it recharged.

It could wait all it wanted.

No one called it.

It never rang.

Fingers trembling, Shinji picked up the cell and dialed.

He only had to endure three monotone rings before he finally answered.

Shinji's free hand clenched tightly.

"Yes, what is it?" a cold, unfamiliar voice said.

His father.

Shinji's free hand uncurled, then reflexively tightened again.

"Uh…Father?"

"Shinji?" Gendo Ikari said with mild aversion. "This is my business line, speak quickly."

"I…it was just…well-"

"I have important matters to attend to," the NERV Commander snapped impatiently. "I don't have all day to hear you stutter into my phone."

"I was just…uh…on account of it being today…" Shinji gulped, his hand nervously opening and closing. "Father…do you even _know_ what today is?"

"May the 14th," Gendo replied. "If you called just to learn the date, I'll order Major Katsuragi to make sure you have a calendar. Don't bother me with such nonsense like this again, is that understood?"

"Yes," Shinji began, but the line clicked off before he could even finish.

"…sir"

* * *

"Oi! Baka!" Asuka barked as she pounded on Shinji's door. "What the hell are you waiting for! Get your lazy ass out here and cook breakfast!"

It was well into morning, and the Katsuragi residence had begun their traditional weekend routine. Misato may still have been fast asleep, but Asuka Langley Souryu was wide awake, and the red-headed German was hungry.

Worse yet, the baka-hentai hadn't been out of his room yet, and what use was it to have a housebroken male around the house if he wouldn't cook?

Nothing, that's what.

The Second Child stood stubbornly in the hallway in front of Ikari's door, a flimsy, low-cut top and cotton shorts barely reaching the thighs passing for her pajamas. Clenching her teeth like fangs, her heavy fist beat against the door again, sooooo wishing it was the baka's head instead.

"**_Sheitze dumkoff!_** Get your skinny ass out here before I have to come in there and drag you out!"

Before she could raise her fist to knock again, the door finally relented and slid open. The Shinji filling the doorway scarcely resembled the whiny, submissive little boy Asuka was more familiar with. _This _Third Child was already fully dressed in his school uniform- black slacks and a white button-down shirt- weird considering they had no school today.

Most unsettling of all was Shinji's face. Dark circles ringed around gloomy, downcast eyes, and he wore a distracted, cheerless expression on his face that reminded Asuka of the 'Comedy' and 'Tragedy' masks you see in drama class; only he seemed to have forgotten 'Comedy' somewhere in his room.

To her credit, Asuka scarcely balked at the sudden change in her favorite little stress-reliever. Falling back on familiar behavior, she gave the baka an irritated reprimand. "Well it's about damn time, lazy ass! To think you'd heartlessly deprive _me_ of my breakfast! Really, can you sink any lower?"

Hoisting the strap of his bag onto his shoulder, Shinji brushed past Asuka without a word as if he had suddenly gone deaf.

Incensed at being given a cold shoulder- and by _Shinji _no less- Asuka moved to stop him. "Where the hell do you think you're going baka! Don't think I'm even finished with you ye-"

Glancing at her briefly over his shoulder, Shinji carelessly thrust a small box into her hands.

Looking down at the package, the redhead blinked in puzzlement. The box read **Mr. Donuts**. "Huh? What the hell is this?"

"Your breakfast," Shinji replied stolidly. "That is, if a _superior _pilot like you can't make her own food, just eat this. The maid's off this morning."

_Where in God's name did this come from? _Asuka wondered. _He almost sounds like his…well, Commander Ikari._

The Second Child couldn't help but shudder.

Before she could even holler a response to Shinji's back, he had already turned around the hallway's corner and was headed out the door.

The door slamming shut seemed to prompt Asuka out of her silence, however…

"The **GALL **of that perverted little weasel! The _second_ he gets back here, I'm gonna castrate him and then shove them down his little throat! Yeah! Choke him to goddamn death with his own **goddamn balls**!"

"Wark!"

Pen-Pen, curious about the sudden noise this morning, had entered halfway through the fiery German's rant and was now lusting over the box of donuts she still held.

Misato, on the other hand, emerged from her room like something possibly half-dead. And groaning like one too. "Eh? God, Asuka…Why're ya making so much _noise_? It's still morning…"

Asuka turned abruptly to her Guardian, face as red as her hair. "That…that…"

"Baka?" Misato supplied wearily.

"That…**bastard **was completely disrespectful to me! He spat in my face to make my own breakfast and left without so much as an explanation! When he gets home, I'll-"

"Yeah, I heard that part," Misato sighed. "But what's with the box?"

The calm question seemed to have broken Asuka out of her tirade, and she crossed her arms over her chest as Pen-Pen futilely reached for the **Mr. Donuts **box. "Shinji gave them to us, apparently we're having donuts for breakfast."

"Donuts?" Misato said, noticeably brightening out of her fatigue.

"You're missing the point Misato! Shinji just walked out of here without so much as an explanation, and you're not worried at all!"

The Major raised an eyebrow at her charge, frowning slightly. "Asuka, do you even know what day it is today?"

"May 14th, but what's that have to do with anything?"

"Asuka," Misato asked warily. "Don't you have Mother's Day in Germany?"

Very rarely is Asuka Langley Souryu ever taken aback. This occasion, however, saw one of those few instances. The Second Child's face slowly shifted into a troubled expression of deep, grim understanding.

And empathy.

"Fuck," Asuka whispered to herself.

"Wark!"

* * *

**This was actually written yesterday, May 14, on Mother's day. Got the idea during work and couldn't let it go. Wrote and wrote, and finished it today. Unlike the rest of my fanfictions, this has more chapters, but it'll be a handful writing them up this week. Graduation's coming up, and my teachers are hitting me with their last hurrah before I'm free at last. **

**Updates soon, **

**-ShinobiCyrus (reviews appreciated!)**

**I wonder: Can this be considered a Mother's Day fic if it was posted after the fact? **


	2. Awake, Awake, in the DreamScape

**Bad news guys. My hostile takeover of Gainax didn't pan out, so I _still _don't own Evangelion. Oh well, maybe next time. **

Shinji Ikari walked through the streets of Tokyo 3 like someone caught in a dream, oblivious as the May morning's sun tried to cast warm, comforting rays on the boy's shoulders. He paid no mind to the city surrounding him; the hypnotic pattern of his footfalls kept his gaze to the ground.

His fist tightly clutched the blooming bouquet of scarlet roses he had bought only a few blocks back at a small, humble little flower stand. A strong pressure pulled on the back of Shinji's eyes; an ache budded on the top slopes of his muddled brain.

The sleepless nights Shinji had been suffering with all week seemed to have finally tallied up. The slight bookbag on his shoulder seemed like a burdensome deadweight now. The Third Child was, without a doubt, sleep deprived and exhausted.

But the thought to ride a bus or board a train never really occurred to Shinji. He was simply far too disorientated. There was no one to talk to, nothing that could distract him, so the dreams of his mother swam unchallenged around his head, pulling him along like a feeble marionette.

"**_I'm sorry Professor Fuyutsuki, I brought Shinji along."_**

_Mom's voice._

"**_I want him to see just how bright the future will be…"_**

_Her last words._

_And then…_

"**_What's wrong?"_**

"**_What's happening?"_**

"**_Flat-line!"_**

"**_No vital signs on Test Subject!"_**

"**_Cut the connection! Cut it now!"_**

"**_Abort the test!"_**

_Even after all that…_

_The Beast was still grinning at me from behind the glass._

The blaring of a car horn jolted Shinji from his brooding like shattering glass. Yelping in alarm, he jumped back as a compact blue convertible parked itself on the street's curb alongside him with the heavy screeching of tires. Shinji blinked under the bright sun as the driver arched off a pair of sunglasses and greeted the baffled Eva pilot with an easy smile that was all too familiar…

His unkempt stubble may have grown out a little more, but Ryoji Kaji was exactly as Shinji remembered otherwise.

Keeping his engine idling, Kaji waved casually from the comfort of the driver's seat. "Shinji! Well now, isn't this a coincidence? You really should be a little more careful y'know. Walking around in a daze like that, you're liable to get run over or something."

"Mr. Kaji?" Shinji asked hesitantly.

"Oh, come on man, we know each other better than that!" Kaji beamed. "It's just 'Kaji', alright?"

"Uh…sure…"

"By the way, what's the Third Child doing sulking alone in Tokyo 3 on such a beautiful day like this?"

Kaji's question abruptly forced Shinji into the reality of today, and his face darkened. "I just have an errand to run in the city, that's all."

"Really?" he said. "Well, I've got nothing important on my agenda today, so how about I just tag along and give you ride?"

"Actually," the Eva pilot replied stoically. "This is kinda a…personal thing. I'd really prefer just to do it alone, if you really don't mind…"

"Great!" Mr. Kaji grinned. "Then it's settled: I'll go with you. No, no, you don't need to thank me, I like havin' you around anyways."

Shinji's shoulders slumped in exasperation. "Are you even _listening_?"

As it turned out, he wasn't. Not one bit. Despite Shinji's pleas otherwise, Mr. Kaji was insistent on giving Shinji a ride. His headache worse and fatigue moreso, Shinji was in real no condition to argue for long. In the end, the young Ikari rode alongside his chauffer in the passenger seat, adjusting the well-cushioned seat further back so he could sit back comfortably and rest his throbbing eyes.

Mr. Kaji broke Shinji's half-doze only once to ask where it was they were going. Groggy as he was, the Third Child never noticed as he mumbled their destination that they were already half-way there.

* * *

Kaji followed with silent reverence as Shinji led him through the endlessly stretching maze of gravestones. When they at last reached the spot, Kaji kept a respectful distance behind the boy as he laid the bouquet at the foot of his mother's grave.

**Ikari Yui **

**1977-2004**

"Flowers for your mom on Mother's Day, eh?" Mr. Kaji spoke up at last. "You sure are a good son."

Shinji made no acknowledgement of even hearing him, eyes locked on the gravestone. On his last visit here, his father had said that the grave was just an artifice. There was no sleeping body or urn of ashes beneath to accept neither his flowers nor his prayers.

But really, where else was there to go?

"If my memory's right, you lost your mother when you were very young, didn't you?" Kaji said.

"When I was four," was the distant reply.

"I was just a year older than you are now when Second Impact took my mom away from me," Kaji offered. "I guess I'm a little more fortunate than you in that regard. At least I have nice memories of her to look back on. Four isn't really much of an age that anyone can remember well."

Shinji's eyes never left the gravemarker, presenting his back as he said "Dad cast everything away after she died. No photos, nothing. I can't even remember what her face looked like." But he still remembered soft, warm smile she always gave him.

Pulling out his pack of smokes, Kaji pulled a cancer-stick from the box and thumbed open his lighter, feeding its flame to the cigarette before he took a long, savoring breath of it. "Memories are over-rated, really. Your mom was different things to different people. Ask Doctor Akagi what she remembers about Yui Ikari, she'll start goin' on about what a great scientist she was. To Commander Ikari, Yui was his wife. But that doesn't really mean much to _you_, does it? Of course not. To you, Yui Ikari was your mother. It doesn't matter who your mother was Shinji. All that matters is who you remember she was: your mom."

"That's quite a speech," the boy replied coldly. "Did you rehearse all of that beforehand?"

"Nope," Kaji mumbled, cigarette dancing between his lips. "Came up with that off the top of my head, actually."

An empty silence stretched between the two, the vast openness of the graveyard seemed to magnify the air's stillness.

Another breath of smoke drawn in, exhaling a wafting cloud that quickly dispersed in the clean air. "Listen man, visiting your mom's grave like this? I damn well respect you for it. Makes me wish my mother had a grave I didn't have to swim out to. But you can't let the void she's left behind swallow you up. The past belongs to the dead. All this, right now, it's all yours."

Shinji turned sharply to face Kaji, dejected tears escaping his eyes. "I don't even _have_ anything dammit! My own father's abandoned me, I'm nothing but a burden on my Aunt and Uncle, and all I have left of Mom is a Goddamn piece of stone with her name on it! Oh! And how can I forget the titanic purple death-trap I get to jump into just so I can remind my father I exist? Maybe I'm better off being swallowed by the past Mr. Kaji, because all this, right now, is **shit!**"

Fists balled, shoulders hunched, Shinji stood before Ryoji Kaji panting as tears of long-bottled anger and pain trickling down his reddened face.

"A mother, Shinji," Kaji told him, cig forgotten in his hand. "Is a woman who shows you the light when you just see dark."

"Came up with that one too?" Shinji snapped

"Nah, it's a quote from Grimaldos Robin."

Shinji frowned. "Who's that?"

"Hell if I know," the man shrugged, flicking away his spent cigarette. Walking up to the boy with an easy stride, he gently slapped a firm, assuring hand on Shinji's shoulder.

The Third flinched instinctively at such close contact.

"Mother's are more than just blood, Ikari. A mom is a woman you care about- even love. A woman who feeds you, protects you, comforts you when you need it, and tries to teach you about life the best she can; all under the premise of those insane maternal instincts that makes women take care of another human being with the promise of absolutely no reward at all."

Shinji turned his head self-consciously as Kaji stared down at him, a blush rising to his cheeks.

"It's like I said before: the present belongs to the living." Ryoji reminded him. "Keep on honoring your mom like a good son should, but don't you think that someone else in your life _right now_ may deserve a bouquet of flowers too?"

Kaji's point brought a dawning thought to Shinji, one that invigorated him to the point where weariness was forgotten. "Thanks a lot for coming here with me, Mr. Kaji" he apologized anxiously." But I think I need to be someplace else right now."

"Say no more, say no more. It was my pleasure giving you a ride. Just be sure not to get yourself run over huh?"

Nodding with something almost resembling a smile, the Third Child gave a wave as he shouldered his bag back on and hurriedly ran off.

Even after Shinji was long since gone, Ryoji remained at Yui Ikari's grave as he thoughtfully smoked the rest of his pack. Eyes drawn on the gravestone as if studying it intensely, he muttered something to himself as another cigarette hung in the mouth.

"Do you feel him too? Even through that thick shell of armor?"

The cheerful chiming of his wristwatch broke Kaji from his musing, bringing up his arm to check the time the watch's alarm had announced.

"Oops, time to water my melons."

**I have to admit, I was surprised at the quick interest Mother's Memory received among the Evangelion fanbase. It's just a well, I suppose. NGE is easily my favorite anime series, and it was even the first I actively got into. Six years later and it's still going on strong. But I digress. Thanks a lot to all of you who responded so quickly to Mother's Memory's first posting, this update's for you! **

**The Third and final chapter coming soon, but for now I'm off to bed. It's 1:42 A.M. and I'm exhausted. **

**Until next time, **

**-ShinobiCyrus**


	3. Life's a Play, Reality's a Dream

**I own all eight DVDs of the Eva series, Death and Rebirth, End of Evangelion, and four CD's with Evangelion music. But I don't actually _own _Neon Genesis Evangelion. Yes, I can see how that's confusing. **

* * *

"_He whose mother is no more, distress carries off."_

**_-Anonymous_**

Misato Katsuragi reclined back in her chair as she took another long draught of her Yebisu beer. It was one of the Major's few days off, and she was making sure to take every advantage of it she could. No strictly enforced NERV dress code today; Misato had lounged around most of the day in her favorite white tank top- which seemed far too small as her large breasts pushed out against it- and a pair of hip hugging, low cut jeans.

Appalled to have been neglected the box of **Mr. Donuts **that had been breakfast, Pen-Pen had retired into his refrigerator somewhere past mid-morning. With an attitude that took after his owner, the penguin had stubbornly hibernated in his little freezer all day, even going so far as boycotting lunchtime.

'_Who knew penguins liked donuts so much?'_ was all Misato really thought of the situation.

She took sparing little sips out of the beer can as she only half-watched some random, Pre-Impact programming on the TV. It was one of those stupid family shows, Misato had noted distastefully. She had grown up on them: episodes consisting of nothing more than menial little family problems or squabbles that were always unrealistically solved in the course of just one half-hour episode. Everything was temporary, from problem to solution, the new episode's worries unaffected and unrelated to whatever had plagued the family on the previous show.

Clean-cut and simple.

In other words… _nothing at all_ like reality.

Still…Misato almost wished she could solve her ersatz 'family's' problems as easily as the equally phony families on the TV could. Major Katsuragi was no fool. She knew exactly where Shinji had gone today. It was, after all, Mother's Day. Asuka, on the other hand, was a more difficult puzzle to sort through. The Second Child had been frighteningly quiet the entire day, picking at her instant (Asuka _despised _any instant meals) ramen without even a complaint.

The silence that hung in the apartment was awkward at best. Misato- thoroughly familiar with Asuka's personal records- knew exactly what was troubling her other charge. Ironically, it was all too much like Shinji's same anxiety. They didn't see it, but Asuka and Shinji were so like one another it was almost laughable.

Almost.

_Yeah, _Misato berated herself. _I know exactly what's goin' on with both of them, but an Angel's chance in black hell it's doing me any good. _So far, no alchemical blending of Yebisu and TV family sitcoms had inspired any solution underneath that head of lavender hair.

She finished off the beer with a final gulp- her fourth can that day. Turning down the television's volume, Misato strained at Asuka's sweet, cheerful voice undulating from the hallway phone. The red-head's Step-Mother had called Collect from Germany just about an hour ago. Right on cue, the little actress flipped back her long hair and put on her best face for her mock-mother waiting on the line.

The Major's German was long rusted, but her best guess said that Asuka was finally wrapping-up the long conversation. It was strange to hear Asuka talking in her home tongue. Apart from insults and creative strings of curses, Asuka usually spoke primarily in Japanese.

"_Gut ist es sehr spät,_ " Asuka said regretfully."_Ya, war dieses nett. __Wir sprechen wieder bald, ya?_" Misato couldn't understand a word she was saying, but no doubt her Step-Mother overseas was obliviously swallowing every word. "_Gute Nacht, Mutter. Auf Wiedersehen._"

Returning the phone to its cradle, Asuka strode into the living room with a drawn, tired expression on her face and sat herself on the couch next to Misato, crossing her bare, sleeveless arms over the chest of her yellow top. Desperately regretting finishing off the last of her beer before she _really_ needed it, Misato cursory asked: "So…how's everyone in Germany?"

"Oh, you know the deal," she replied off-handedly. "Germany's pretty boring now that I'm not around. They miss me, can't wait until I can come home, so-on, and so-on…"

"Asuka," Misato said slowly. "You really don't need to put on the 'good girl' act for everyone. I know you're not exactly close with your step-mom, but do you think it's fair to her just to carry on business as usual as if nothing's wrong at all?"

"Nothing _is_ wrong!" Asuka snapped. "Don't even try and bring me down to your level! Just because _you_ had a crappy relationship with your parents doesn't mean the rest of us are as Goddamn pathetic!"

Severely in need of another beer now, Misato shifted uneasily on the couch as Asuka averted her eyes to the T.V.

The women sat in tense silence, the sputtering noise of the television spilled into the air between them.

When Asuka finally spoke again, the words were cautious and careworn. She never took her eyes of the glow of the screen; it was almost as if she wasn't speaking to anyone at all, just dreamily muttering aloud to herself. "It's just an act…really. I don't do it because I love her…but I don't hate her either. I just…do it because I should, because I have to. It's expected of me. So we just go through the motions, read off our scripts…playacting and ignoring everything we see between the lines. One happy little family, talking and doing things families should do."

"But it's a _lie_, Asuka," Misato dared to say.

Asuka's gaze never faltered. Her eyes seemed hazed by the TV's nebulous blur. "But lies are easier. The truth never fixes anything. The truth always just makes things worst. No one hates you for lying. After all…everybody does it."

At a loss for words, Misato could only bite her lip, brow furrowed with worry. Asuka's lament held too painful a truth in it. Reputations and expectations, life's just a play. Aren't they all just trapped in the parts given to them?

"God, I'm pathetic," Asuka hissed under her breath, too low for Misato to hear.

The unexpected sound of the front door sliding open broke the two out of their reverie. Then the play went on, but not how either of them had expected it.

_"Tadaima…"_

Misato nearly leapt off the couch and raced to the apartment door. Shinji was already kicking his shoes off at the doorway, carefully balancing a large handful of grocery bags.

"Shinji!" she shouted.

"Hi Misato," he smiled shyly. "Sorry I'm late."

Misato blinked dumbly. There was something…different about him. He seemed relaxed, a deal of his unease lifted. _What's come over him?_

"Don't worry about that," Misato said. "I'm just glad you're home."

"Yeah," Shinji replied. His eyes just couldn't seem to be able to meet Misato's face, and a furious blush burned his cheeks. "I'm…home."

Misato smiled softly. "Welcome home."

"Well, well, would you just look at this? The Great Third Child has decided to grace us lowly common-folk with his radiant presence!"

Shinji winced. _Aw, crap…_

The red-head pressed forward on Shinji, shrinking as Asuka scowled down at him, hands fists resting at the hips of her skirt. "And where the hell have you been all day?"

"Oh…uh…hi there, Asuka. How was your day?" he said nervously.

"You better stow that line of crap right now Third Child! You're a grade-A asshole to me this morning, disappear all damn day, and now you just waltz in like nothing's happened? You've got a helluva lot of nerve, little boy!"

Asuka's vengeful oaths of mutilation and castration from that morning vividly came to mind as Asuka hung over poor Shinji-who was already sweating bullets. Trying to defuse the explosive little red-head, Misato attempted an appeal to her pride. "Now, now, Asuka. Everyone's entitled to a bad morning or two. Do you think you can let poor Shinji off the hook, just this once? I mean, it even looks like he's brought us dinner!"

Why doesn't a cat kill a wounded mouse? Simple: because then the cat wouldn't have anything to play with. Slowly loosening her grip on his shirt collar, Asuka finally noticed the grocery bags. "Yeah," she allowed. "I guess I could let him off this once. Besides, who'd cook dinner if I killed him?" Relieving Shinji of his bags, Asuka carelessly tossed him aside as she rustled through them. "Hmph. The baka settled on a lot of cheap crap, but otherwise we may actually have a decent dinner for once…eh? What in the hell is this?"

Dropping the grocery bags on Shinji's head, Asuka yelped as she produced a small bouquet of lilacs from them. "_Flowers!_" She glanced down at the boy buried beneath grocery bags at her feet. "Who are these flowers for, huh? Hopin' to get a little action with Wondergirl's thighs, little baka-hentai? I don't think that creepy albino is a 'flowers' kinda girl, _dumkoff_."

"No…I….it's not like that!" the boy stammered, face flushing scarlet. "They're not for Ayanami!"

"_Oh really_?" Asuka leered. "What other girl do you know who wouldn't laugh and throw these flowers in your face?"

"They're for Misato!" he blurted.

The words took their time to sink in properly. Roused from his nap, Pen-Pen poked his head out from his fridge curiously.

"**_Mien Gott! _**You have _got _to be kidding me! What the hell kind of boner-provoked present is that you dirty little perve-"

"Me?"

Asuka froze, her fingers in the process of throttling her roommate, and saw Misato staring down at the discarded bouquet with wide-eyed disbelief.

"You bought these flowers…for me?"

Self-consciously leveling his gaze to the floor, Shinji tensed his shoulders in a futile effort to hide another blush. "Well…I…it's just that…it _is _Mother's Day…and I know you're not my mother…but…you _did _let Asuka and me stay here with you. No one asked you to do it or anything…you could have let us just live in one of those NERV apartments like Ayanami or something…but you decided to take us in…and it's just that you've done so much…I just wanted to…"

Everyone in the apartment simply stood there stunned as Shinji stuttered on. Even Pen-Pen gawked.

Bravely glancing up to Misato's face, the boy finished hesitantly. "I just wanted to…thank you, Misato. For…you know…everything."

"Shinji…" Misato said.

Eyes dimming, he looked away again. "I'm sorry. I guess that was really stupid of me…what was I thinking?"

"That is just the sweetest thing you've ever said!" she exclaimed.

"Huh?" both of Misato's charges said at once.

Breaking her already weak hold of Shinji's throat, Asuka barely had enough time to get out of the way as their guardian pounced on the flabbergasted Ikari.

Freed of one stranglehold and now trapped in another, Shinji feebly tried to squirm out of the headlock Misato had him in. The boy was also especially uncomfortable to note that the hold kept his face mortifyingly close to Misato's C-cup.

"Uh…Misato? This is kinda…your bre-"

"You little devil!" Misato laughed, ruffling his hair as she ground his fist lightly into his head. "Noogie! Noogie! I never knew you had it in ya Shin-chan! That was just the cutest thing I've ever seen!"

_Oh great, _Shinji groaned inwardly. _She's probably been drinking all day…_

Her face comparable with her hair, Asuka snarled at her guardian hotly. "What the hell are you doing, Misato? Don't encourage that hentai's disgusting sex-fantasies! Misato! Are you even listening to me?"

"Wark!"

"The hell? Misato! Your Goddamn bird's stealing our dinner! Get your flightless ass back here you little thief!"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrk!"

* * *

A budget-conscious government organization at heart, NERV headquarters shut down many of their unnecessary, secondary sub-systems to conserve its resources. Most of the geofront's personnel had retired for the night, and the skeleton crew had taken over. Most importantly, the Evangelion maintenance crews kept the steel beasts on twenty-four hour standby in the event of an Angel attack. Apart from them and the janitorial staff, only lab-jockey's (Doctor Akagi always the first to come to mind) were ever expected to still be at NERV headquarters at such a late hour.

Kozou Fuyutsuki made his way down the base's darkened corridors to his office without meeting another soul. Even if someone had passed him by, there was little chance they would question the Sub-Commander of NERV anyways. His secretary's desk vacant for the remainder of the night, Fuyutsuki expected no visitors to his office until tomorrow morning.

Perhaps he was simply more traditional in his old age, but the Sub-Commander had specially requested the door to his office not to be those bothersome, automatic sliding doors. Instead, he simply wanted an old-fashioned door with hinges, a doorknob, and a lock. Most thought such an 'archaic' preference strange, but the retired Professor had the last laugh the day NERV lost all power and the geofront's staff had to pry each of those electronic doors with a crowbar to simply move around headquarters.

Fuyutsuki chuckled to himself at the memory.

The moment he grasped the doorknob, however, he knew something was wrong: the door was unlocked. There were a great deal of sensitive documents pertaining to NERV, Project-E, the dummy plugs, and countless other files that should never see the public light of day. He always kept his door locked. Bracing himself, Fuyutsuki pushed open his door and flipped on the light of his dark office.

And immediately frowned with distaste. "I should have I'd find _you_ stalking around in here."

Sitting atop the Sub-Commander's desk as if he owned the place, Ryouji Kaji gave his superior officer a friendly, sardonic wave. "And a good evening to you too, Professor Fuyutsuki."

"_Sub-Commander_ Fuyutsuki," he corrected sourly.

Kaji apologized with that easy grin. "My mistake sir. The tongue gets ahead of me sometimes."

"Amongst other things…" the old man grumbled. Crossing his office to his desk, Kaji leapt off it and stood like soldier a slouched attention, hands in his pockets as Kozou collapsed wearily into his chair. "Based off your unplanned appearance here, I'm assuming that you've completed the task I assigned you?"

"But of course. I dealt with the situation exactly as you requested."

"Good, good," he sighed with relief.

"Still…" Kaji went on. "I do admit, I'm rather worried. What would Commander Ikari do if he found out about the little 'chat' I had with his son? All he would have to do is read today's Section-2 report and we're both in the fryer."

"Commander Ikari _never_ reads the reports," Fuyutsuki pointed out. "Unless there was a large discrepancy significant enough to raise his attention, your meeting with Shinji will be overlooked."

"Wouldn't you categorize my unexpected arrival today as a 'discrepancy'?" the NERV Agent pressed derisively.

Steadying himself, the Sub-Commander was careful to not even bat an eyebrow in front of the man. Kaji was already fully versed in the entire situation. In fact, Fuyutsuki had a sneaking suspicion the man knew far more than he was cleared for. Right now, Kaji was just doing his job (for once) as a NERV Special Inspector: being as large of a pain in the ass as possible. But the old man was experienced with such games, so he humored him.

"I'll be pulling a few strings in the Security Department. By tomorrow morning, the reports will say nothing of Pilot Shinji Ikari's contact with any Ryouji Kaji on May the Fourteenth at 9: 07 A.M."

Kaji, of course, wouldn't let up that easily. "But you _do_ have a contingency plan, right? After all, Commander Ikari has a bothersome habit of finding things that are buried."

Fuyutsuki shook his head. "Gendou Ikari specializes in burying things, not finding them. Casually disregarding his son's emotional welfare has more of an impact on Project-E than he would care to admit. If worse does, in fact, come to worse, I can always cover myself by claiming directly to the Committee to have been acting in NERV's best interests."

"An excellent failsafe," Kaji agreed. "No one would possibly suspect that your feelings for Yui Ikari would have motivated reaching out to her son; especially not through a proxy the boy was comfortably familiar with."

Kaji said those last words with a cocky, wry grin. Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki gave him a dangerous, withering look. "You're overstepping yourself, Mr. Kaji." He warned coldly.

"Gomen," the Agent apologized with a faux bow. "That tongue's getting ahead of me again."

"You're dismissed," Fuyutsuki growled. "Get the hell out of my office."

Ever unfazed, Ryouji Kaji gave a final, graceful bow before turning and letting himself out.

Sitting alone in his office, Kozou Fuyutsuki fished a 30 year old bottle of scotch from his desk drawer and poured himself a finger's length into a small glass. Downing almost half of the cup in a single swig, he pulled something else from the locked recesses of his old wooden desk. A framed photograph from his teaching years back at the University lay trembling in his hand. Eternally frozen, Yui smiled at him, a ghost from the past.

"You're not the only onewho misses her, Ikari," the old man said bitterly. The glass be damned, his next gulp came straight from the bottle.

* * *

The day was over, and the night had drawn full-circle. Shinji laid in his bed without a hint of unease, thinking back on the long day.

Fortunately, they had managed to liberate what was left of their dinner from Pen-Pen, and Shinji cooked up a hearty meal that Asuka had declared 'tolerable'. The lilacs sitting in a vase at the center of the dinner table, the Mother's Day feast at the Katsuragi residence had been unforgettable. With a constant reminder seated atop the table all night, there was no shortage of teases from Misato and Asuka. But strangely enough, Shinji had started laughing at the remarks too. It had gotten to the point where no one really cared. They had talked about trivial, mundane things that were quickly forgotten, all their makeshift little family did was eat, talk, laugh, and chug ridiculous amounts of beer (technically, that was all Misato, but she did enough drinking for all three of them- and Pen-Pen helped too).

Despite how the morning had begun, Shinji found himself smiling. As he slowly drifted off to sleep, all thoughts of troubled sleep and nightmares of grinning beasts were lost in the flow of the day. Misato and her favorite penguin were sprawled in the living room; passed out with beer cans in their hands (or flippers) and drooling, content looks on their sleeping faces.

The violin strings of _Gavotte in Rondo _sang dutifully from the earpieces of Shinji's SDAT, lulling him in a dreamy, half-sleep. The Third Child always found himself thinking of Asuka whenever the song rang into his ears. His roommate occasionally played this violin solo herself before Orchestra practice. He had never know Asuka was a very musical person, but if she was a college graduate and a top Eva candidate at just fourteen, why not a talented musician?

Shinji smiled again as the piece tumbled down his ears. Memories of Asuka, eyes closed in deep concentration as she manipulated the strings were permanently associated with the song. The SDAT clicked at his side, and the music cycled to _Pachelbel's Kanon_. He, Asuka, and Rei played this together as an Orchestra, two violins and a cello, a song both sad and defiantly triumphant, in its own soft way.

They were excellent memories to fall asleep to.

The door to his room slowly slid itself open.

Shinji instinctively shut off the SDAT.

Misato and Pen-Pen would be sleeping off their binge drinking long into tomorrow afternoon, so it couldn't be them.

Asuka.

It happened once in a while. Sleepwalking, Asuka would stumble into his room and fall back asleep on his bed.

It didn't surprise him.

It was Mother's Day today.

Lying on his side, Shinji felt the bed sink behind him. This didn't happen too often, but Shinji was smart enough to know he should never bring these unconscious visits to Asuka's attention. He always feigned sleep when morning came around and Asuka woke up, then she would silently let herself out and said nothing of it, just like it had never happened. She didn't know he knew, so no one was the wiser.

Shinji almost jumped when he felt Asuka's arms encircle his waist, pulling him closer to her. His cheeks flushed and his heart rattled as he felt her breasts crush against his back.

_This is new…_

Asuka nestled her chin onto Shinji's shoulder, her breath tickled his ear.

That was when Asuka Langley Souryu, the invincible, infallible, unshakable pilot of Evangelion Unit-02 started crying.

Her breath caught itself in her throat as she sobbed, Shinji felt the tears trickling down his back. She pulled harder on his waist, pulling them closer as she whimpered. If she hadn't been talking into his ear, Shinji was sure he would have never heard it.

"_Mommy…"_

Shinji wasn't sure what come over him when he reached down and pried her hands off from around him; taking her hand into his. She squeezed his hand tenderly, their fingers entwined.

"_Mommy…"_

Shinji nestled her hand to his chest, whispering quietly. "I know, Asuka. I miss her too."

Somehow, Asuka calmed. The tears stopped, her breathing leveled, and she feel into a deep, untroubled sleep.

Asuka holding onto him as if he were something more than just a roommate or a fellow Eva pilot, Shinji idly wondered to himself when exactly he had fallen in love with her.

* * *

**Sorry if the wait for this chapter was long, everybody. It took me two days to write and is about ten pages in Microsoft Word format. Oh, and my deepest apologies to Genesis D. Rose, who for some odd reason or another simply doesn't like Kaji. I know I said Kaji's role was over man, but he wrote himself in. This just goes to show me just how a story can take a life of its own. The ending took an unexpected turn on Asuka/Shinji Romance, and while I have a lot of ideas in my head where to take this, writing a Chapter Four and beyond is still up in the air. If any of you want more, just say so in your reviews. **

**Considering this may be the last chapter, I'd like to thank everyone for taking their time to both read and review, I appreciate it! **

**Until next time, **

**-Cy**


	4. Dolls can Dream too

**Neon Genesis is the bizarre brainchild of Yoshiyuki Sadamoto. Last time I checked, I wasn't Japanese. Or creative. Or suicidal. That's what Zoloft is for. **

* * *

'_Into the Depths of Human Hearts'_

-**EVANGELION**

**(introjection)**

_This is me._

She hung there, floating ceaselessly in an endless expanse. The Air around her was not really Air; it embraced her like water, enfolding itself around her entire body.

_Body?_

Bodies, forms, shapes, objects…they were unnecessary here. She was a foreign thing in this place.

_I am this object… this shape that forms me. _

Formless feelings and aimless thoughts was a current that caressed her. It was such a strange feeling…dissolving. To see the edges of your own being slowly fade.

_It feels like I'm not me_…

The watery air; the ether around her was boundless. The mind was unrestricted, unhampered by boundaries. Directions were irrelevant; it was a Sea without a surface to swim up to, an Ocean without depths to sink.

_I can't tell what I am anymore._

These thoughts corded out from her, twisting amongst the ether until it became indistinguishable with the other random thoughts and feels that streamed with the current.

…_I feel someone else._

Seeking tendrils purposefully found her. Solid, worldly thought returned, anchoring her form in this place that seemed suddenly far too empty to her. But what of the other…

_Is someone there, beyond this place?_

She willed herself deeper into the expanse, following the intelligent branches to their source.

The ether was darker, more suffocating here. Light radiated from the center of the condensing darkness. Orbs like twin moons stared like unblinking eyes at her.

_Who are you?_

The Beast was a shape veiled in darkness, something resembling a human…but far more immense. Its tendrils were unnatural: cold steel cables the product of Man. Buried beneath the crushing depths of compiled Nothing, the Beast's tendrils snaked beyond its prison, reaching for the outside world. As she drew closer to it, one of these stems brushed against her.

A memory stirred within her.

A boy…brown haired and shy. He was always so nervous, uncertainty a barrier against further pain.

_Ikari?_

School. Yes, she saw him a school often enough- whenever she actually went.

Themselves and others…classmates…stayed behind after school. It was their turn to clean.

A bucket and rag; her pale hands wrung the water from the wet cloth back into the bucket.

She had not seen it at the time, but his eyes were wide with fascination when she had done this.

What had he said?

"_It reminds me of…a mother…"_

That bright laugh, his soft smile.

"_I bet you'd make a great mom, Rei."_

A pink, rosy rise in her cheeks.

A moment a severe self-consciousness.

Embarrassment.

_A mother?_

**Silly thing, **the Beast chided. Its black hands reached out, caging her between its fingers like a captive butterfly. **Little dolls cannot be mothers.**

_I am not a doll. _

**Truly? **The Beast wondered. **Where is it you have come from?**

_Light. Clear water. The sterile scent of chemicals. _

**Wrong! **The Beast corrected. **Darkness. Murky red. The smell of copper. **

Red. She hated the color red.

_The smell of blood._

**Dolls do not bleed, little one. **The Beast said. **People bleed, people die. Dolls break, but are never broken. **

_I am not a doll, _she insisted.

**How many times did you break, little doll? **The Beast asked, glowing eyes unwavering through the cage of its fingers. **How many times did they sew your fake heart and soul back onto a new marionette? **

Choking. Hands furiously wringing her small throat like the rag.

**Did you bleed then, little doll? **

She didn't remember. She was only the Second One.

_The woman who never bleeds. _

**Remember: little dolls cannot be mothers.**

The Beast's black hands parted. She felt herself drift back up out of the darkness.

But its moon gaze stared up at her the whole way.

**Little dolls don't bleed. **

_I am not a doll, _she repeated, the words themselves her only solace.

**You cannot fool me, for I am what you used to be…**

"Rei?"

Rei Ayanami's scarlet eyes lidded open, the hum of the entry plug in her ears.

"Rei, you've been unresponsive for eight minutes." Commander Ikari said over the communication channel. His normally cold voice was laced with veiled concern. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes sir," was the First Child's automatic reply. "No problems."

"I see. That's good. The test is completed Rei, you can come out now."

"Yes sir."

The space around her kaleidoscoped as the neural connections cycled themselves off. Rei still sat in the pilot's seat when the entry plug glowed an inert, pale blue. The LCL encircled her body like water, but she breathed it like air.

But the smell…

"I hate the smell of blood," she whispered to herself.

* * *

**It's me, back by popular demand. The flood of emails that followed just hours after Chapter 3's posting was simply overwhelming. So, because you asked for it, Mother's Memory has a few more chapters left in her. Now, it simply wouldn't be an Evangelion fanfiction if there wasn't any Rei, and I thought this little mind-job would be a nice change of pace before things get _really ugly_. Chapter 5's gonna be the morning after, and it's not gonna end like so many of you ecchi fans are hoping…**

**Chapter 5 coming soon!**

**-Cy**


	5. The Dream is True

**Just in case you haven't read my four other disclaimers, I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion. If I did, I'd have kept Rei all to myself…**

* * *

'_Mother is the First Other'_

-**EVANGELION**

**(crime of innocence) **

'_Yes, quite a tragedy.'_

'_What twisted irony, really. The one who had proposed the experiment became its casualty.'_

'_Has it truly been confirmed the breakdown was the outcome of the Contact?'_

'_There is little doubt.'_

'_But it seems all the more cruel…killing herself and leaving behind such a little girl.'_

'_Regrets, Doctor?'_

'_More than you know, Mr. Kiel…'_

'_Best set aside your scruples now, Doctor. Unfortunate as this incident was, we must remember the staggering new assets we have obtained because of it.'_

'_Assets? You mean the girl and the E-'_

'_Just don't lose sight of the task at hand…'_

It had been raining that day.

The little girl had weathered through all of it. All the people who had come, most of them had whispered. Just like the people at the hospital, they spoke in hushed tones of 'tragedy' and 'scandal'. Others discussed things she knew concerned her, but they were casual, cold, and passing remarks; five-year-old Asuka couldn't bring herself to care.

Her mother had died.

And she had been the first to know.

**(hostility restrained)**

Even at such a young age, Asuka was disgusted with all their tears. All those people crying at the funeral. Tears never helped. Crying was self-betrayal, throwing your injured heart out into the open where its wounds would rot and stagnate. Asuka had cried and begged to her mother at the hospital, but tears were such stupid, powerless things.

Asuka was an intelligent girl; Mother's thoroughness at the sperm bank had ensured that, at least. She was quick to realize that to cry was to let your heart bleed, and if it bled long enough it would just die and die and die.

So little Asuka had come up with the perfect solution.

She wouldn't cry anymore. Wounds had to be covered and protected. Only someone who was strong could keep themselves from crying; to protect their heart.

Momma had a new baby when she was in the hospital.

Momma called the baby Asuka.

Five year-old Asuka, so bright for her age, knew her momma's new baby was a stuffed doll.

Asuka Langley Souryu hated dolls.

_I'm not Momma's doll, _she promised herself. _I'll life for myself and I'll think for myself!_

She was strong. No, she wasn't just strong. She was thestrongest, the smartest, the most popular, the prettiest, the most talented!

**Asuka…**

**Come to Heaven with me…**

"_**NO!"**_

Asuka stood alone at her mother's grave; the hours of rainfall had soaked her pretty black dress. Her shoulder length red hair hopelessly damp, the little girl hung her head low, sleepy eyes reading the simple epitaph on the headstone over and over again.

**SOURYU KYOKO ZEPPELIN**

**1974-2005**

Everyone else had left once the funeral was over, leaving just the daughter now to properly mourn her mother.

Another had joined little Asuka, though she was invisible to the girl. Older, taller, and noticeably more filled out, Asuka stood a distance away as she watched her younger self still stubbornly enduring the rain, her own red Plug Suit slick and wet as well.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, and all the rest of that stupid-ass stuff."

"_Asuka," _Misato had asked warily. _"Don't you have Mother's Day in Germany?"_

"Fuck it," she muttered, the surrounding gravestones silent witnesses that could neither agree or not.

Little Asuka perked her head as something slowly sounded over the rain.

It took a moment, but soon enough Older-Asuka heard it too.

Someone was crying.

Moving from her post at Momma's grave after a vigilant lifetime of service, Little Asuka went off to find whoever it was that was crying.

Older-Asuka followed.

Plodding ponderously on the graveyard's soggy grass in her little black shoes, Asuka eventually navigated the maze of headstones-The Ghost of Christmas Future that was her soon-to-be Self watched bewildered.

A boy Little-Asuka's age sobbed alone in a clearing among the graze. He was short and feeble, blue shorts and torn striped T-shirt left his arms and legs bare and shivering.

Young Asuka stared at the brown-haired boy frigidly. "Why are you crying?"

Surprised someone was speaking to him, the boy opened his large eyes and sniffled. "I can't find my Mommy."

"**_Mein Gott_**…" Older-Asuka gasped. "Is that…_Shinji_?"

An inexperienced actress in Life's Play, the young Souryu's face softened. "Why do you think she's here?"

The boy looking around franticly, his expression lost. "I don't have anywhere else to look. This place is all I have of left of her…"

The children turned in confusion when a new voice giggled. "I know where she is…"

A five year old girl with pageboy-cut cerulean hair and unhealthy, milky-white skin stared at them playfully with scarlet eyes. A thin-strapped sundress as white as her hung off bony shoulders. _"I know where she is…"_ Rei repeated in a sing-song voice.

"You know where my mommy is?" Shinji asked hopefully.

Little-Asuka scowled when Rei smiled. It was wide and fake like a doll's, her blood-colored eyes playfully cruel. "Of course I know where she is, Silly Shinji. I am her, and she's the thing beneath me…"

Rei stepped aside, clearing Shinji's view of a worn, overgrown headstone. Instead of plants or moss choking the grave, wiring and electric cables snaked out of the ground clung to the stone like things alive.

Though cracked and faded, Older-Asuka could just make out the headstone's inscription through the tangle of wires.

It read:

**TEST TYPE-01**

**NERV 2014**

**DEUS EX MACHINA **

_**Our Savior **_

**_Our End_**

Reading skills just budding, the five year old boy couldn't understand the headstone's meaning. He knew well enough, however, that it didn't say his mother's name.

"Huh? But…that can't…that isn't Mom!"

Rei's eyes bulged, her grin was wide like a Cheshire cat's. "Oh, but it is, Silly Shinji. **Don't you recognize us?**"

The ground beneath the children's feet split and burst, writhing knots of wires rose out of the earth likes worms in the rain.

"**Don't you want to be one with us?" **Rei asked in a voice that wasn't hers. **"To be one mind, body, and soul?"**

Cables thick as tree roots snatched Shinji and pulled him toward the little albino girl. A gaping black hole widened on earth where the headstone had been. A pair of orbs glowed from the darkness of the fissure; eyes that never blinked.

Terror bursting in screams and tears, the little boy that Shinji once reached futilely out to Asuka with wire-wrapped arms.

Reaching out to Older-Asuka.

"Asuka! Please help me!"

Jerking awake, Asuka coughed with a lungful of LCL, the deceptively clear air immediately disturbed by a gurgling flurry of bubbles. Taking in a deep breath of the foul-smelling substance, the Second Child tried to calm herself by concentrating on the dull drone of the entry plug.

The red-haired German shook her head in an effort to clear her thoughts. When the hell had she fallen asleep? She never dozed during a synch test.

Right on cue, Dr. Akagi's voice descended into her hears like the booming voice of a higher power. "Asuka! Your synchronization ratio just dropped _another _four points! Stop dozing and do your job!"

"Yes ma'am," Asuka growled. "But I'd do better without _interruptions…_"

It was a clash of the two most temperamental females in NERV, and it was close to getting ugly. "Have it your way, but if your numbers drop even another zero-point-one, you'll be done for the day."

"Yes ma'am," she grunted.

The ever-looming specter of Dr. Akagi lifted for the moment, Asuka instinctively checked Unit-02's comm settings. It was just as the last time she had checked: Unit-02's audio/video communication equipment would automatically block any incoming signals coming from Shinji in Unit-01.

It was the umpteenth time since the test had begun this afternoon she had checked her private adjustments to Unit-02's communications. She hadn't spoken to the baka-hentai at all since morning, and she was desperate to shun Shinji in every way possible.

But she was still thinking of the _dumkoff_.

"**Sheitze!** That bastard's ruining my concentration!"

* * *

"Are her scores really that bad?" Misato asked her old friend after the comm-line was closed.

"Of course not," Ritsuko replied. "Her synchronization score lies well within accepted parameters, but we all know Asuka is far better than the regulated norm."

Major Katsuragi nodded, crossing her arms and pulling her red coat tighter around herself.

"Yesterday was Mother's Day…" Misato said. "Did you do anything special?"

Dr. Akagi was busy checking off her notes on a clipboard- she answered absently. "We had a Harmonics Compatibility test with Rei yesterday. I didn't have much time for anything like that."

"Oh come on, Ritsu. I know you didn't just write off the whole day just like that!"

Ritsuko stared at her notes silently for a long time before finally speaking up. "I called my Grandmother…wished her a happy Mother's Day."

Misato was taken aback. She half-expected some flowers or candles left by the MAGI, but calling Grandma?

"Well…" Dr. Akagi explained, noticing the confusion on her friend's face. "She actually _was _a mother…and she is my grandmother too. I figured calling her would've been the appropriate thing to do. How did Shinji take the day?"

A sad, wistful smile crept onto the Major's face. "He went to his mother's grave yesterday morning, bought her some flowers I think."

"Not surprising."

"Yeah…but when he came home at dinner…he…brought me flowers too."

Dr. Akagi dropped her clipboard. The rest of the science crew, having been busy with their duties turned and stared in their seats.

"Shinji bought you flowers, Major?" Maya Ibuki gawked.

Misato smiled again. "Yeah. Lilacs."

Lt. Aoba laughed. "Damn. Now Shinji's makin' us guys look bad. I haven't visited my ma's grave in years. And I can't even say the last time I gave a girl flowers."

"But why would Shinji do that for you, Major?" Hyuuga wondered aloud.

"He said it was his way of saying 'thank you' for taking him in," Misato said.

Maya put a hand to her chest. "_Awww_…that is so _sweet_!"

The other two male officers on the bridge crew rolled their eyes. _Show off…_

"Speaking of Shinji," Dr. Akagi spoke up. "We're supposed to be prepping for the Second Compatibility test. Come on everyone, back to work."

"Yes ma'am," the three said at once.

"How did the Compatibility Test work out for Rei last night?" Misato asked.

Dr. Akagi had picked her clipboard back up and was now scribbling furiously into it. "We're still running the results by the MAGI, but if I had to give a full report right now, I'd say the test went well."

Misato was unconvinced. "Still…I know Shinji and Rei are perfectly well-suited for this kind of experiment…but rewriting the personal data of one child for the other? It doesn't seem safe to me."

A scientist first, Ritsuko waved off Misato's concerns with a flick of her pen. "We wouldn't be doing this experiment if there was the possibility of danger. The pilots are just too valuable for that. But this test has the potential for yielding valuable data; we can't let slight-risks override that."

Misato shrugged. Unit-01 stood outside the Observation Booth's windows, heavy harnesses holding the behemoth to the antiseptic white walls of Test Bay #02. "You're the head of Project-E, it's your call."

"Ma'ams," Lt. Aoba informed them. "The Third Child has reported to Unit-01's entry plug."

The blonde scientist nodded brusquely. "Alright, run Eva Unit-01's start-up procedure- Make sure the core has been properly written for Rei instead of Shinji before beginning."

"Yes ma'am."

Standing back as her team carried out their duties flawlessly, a sudden thought occurred to Dr. Akagi. "Misato…do you have any idea why Asuka's synch ratio is lower today?"

"Yesterday was Mother's Day," Misato replied as if that explained itself. "That…and…"

Ritsuko was curious now. Misato was never hesitant. "What?"

"Her and Shinji had a fight this morning. A bad one…"

* * *

Shinji's mind wandered as the bridge crew ran off the same start-up checklist he had heard countless times before.

"Main Power connected! All circuits fully functional."

"Rodger, initiating Power-Up Sequence!"

The golden haze of the LCL faded off as the air sparkled and brightened through every color in the visible spectrums of light. Shinji felt the familiar tingling sensation like a thousand needles softly prodding every spot on his brain. It wasn't painful, just…strange…

"A-10 Neural Synapses operating within normal limits!"

"Confirmed, First Contact is clear. Opening Reciprocal Circuits."

The tunnel-like surface of the entry plug seemed to become transparent until it seemed Shinji was floating high in the air in the Test Bay with no visible means of support.

"Synchro-errors are within zero-point-three percent."

"Harmonics normal- we're showing green across the board."

Doctor Akagi joined the throng of voices in his head. "Excellent. Begin the test."

A holographic monitor clicked to life at Shinji's thought- a communication request line.

He couldn't get a signal through to Unit-02.

_Asuka doesn't want anything to do with me, _Shinji thought grimly. _Not that I blame her. _

Hours later, and the spots on his face where Asuka had struck him still stung painfully.

Remembering where he was, Shinji closed his eyes and concentrated on the task at hand, doing his best to keep his mind off Asuka.

It wasn't working very well.

_God, she's right. I am pathetic. _

His mind was simply too troubled, a massive headache started to bloom from his temples. The harder Shinji tried, the more impossible it seemed to synchronize properly. It was like trying to squeeze himself in a place he just couldn't fit…

A sudden pain shot into the Third Child's head, blue gloved hands clutched at his head.

"What the hell?"

It felt like something was trying to worm itself through his head, its path leaving a splinter in his brain.

The space around him burned away by bright light, Shinji found himself staring at the Angelic figure of a woman that was slowly floating towards him, arms outstretched for an embrace.

* * *

The personnel of the test lab cringed as one when Asuka strode in, hair wet from her shower and dressed in a dry, fresh school uniform. "Misato! My synch test ended ten minutes ago! What's everyone still doing?"

The Major rubbed her temples wearily. "Shinji's doing a Compatibility Test for Dr. Akagi, Asuka. It's going to take a lot longer than a normal synch test, so we're going to be here for a while."

The German crossed her arms and snorted with disgust. "Figures. Everybody always coddles our invincible little Shinji. Well, this better not take long, I've already finished _my_ tests and I want to go home."

"You can ride the train on your own, Asuka." Misato pointed out.

"And be alone in the apartment with that creepy-ass bird of yours? Screw that!"

"Fine," Misato allowed, in no mood to argue. "But I don't want to hear word out of you while we're doing this test, understood?"

"Yeah, yeah…" Asuka scoffed, marching up to the observation window. Staring at the inert Evangelion Unit-01 for a time, she shook her head and muttered to herself. "_Purple?_ Who the hell makes a weapon purple? Figures that's Shinji's Eva…"

The first person to notice something amiss was Lieutenant Ibuki, the harmonic graphs on her monitors stirred strangely. "Uh…Doctor Akagi? I'm reading some abnormal readings over here…"

That was when Eva Unit-01 began to violently struggle against the restraints holding it to the wall.

Maya had to shout to be heard over the blaring alarms blaring in the Observation Booth. "Pulse backflow! Rejections are occurring in the central nerve elements!"

"Red-line!" Aoba reported. "We have Mental Contamination in the Second Stage."

"Impossible!" Dr. Akagi exclaimed, as if her declaration would catch their readings in a lie. "We can't have Mental Contamination in this plug depth!"

"It's not coming from the Plug Doctor! The intrusion is coming from the Eva!"

"Psychograph readings fast approaching critical levels!" Maya warned as sweat teemed down her face.

Out of her element, Misato was at a loss. "Ritsuko! What the hell's happening?"

Dr. Akagi ignored her, putting a heavy grip on Lt. Ibuki's shoulder. "Cut the connections through D-57! Just stop that backflow!"

"Negative! The controls are unresponsive!"

"Ritsuko! Answer me!" Misato demanded.

"Shut up Misato!" Akagi snapped. "Abort the test! Cut the power **NOW**!"

"Rodger!" shattering the glass casing, Lt. Ibuki twisting the red emergency lever and pulled.

Nearly free of its restraints, Unit-01 paused for a moment as it's umbilical cable blasted off.

"The Eva has switched to emergency power supply," Hyuuga said. His glasses reflected the flashing red of his computer screen. "T-minus sixty seconds before it comes to a complete stop!"

The Evangelion thrashed wildly about the Test Cage like a beast trying to escape its prison, it bashed deep dents into the room's heavily armored white walls.

"Eject the entry plug!" Misato ordered to anyone who would listen.

"Negative! It refuses to accept any of our commands!"

"What about Shinji?" Major Katsuragi was in a near-panic now.

"Monitors aren't reacting. We're not receiving any outgoing signal from the entry plug. His condition's unknown!"

"_God damn it_!"

But a breath away from the Observation Room window, Asuka stared silently at the struggling Evangelion. Catching the Second Child in the corner of its eye, the Beast's entire head rose to stare at her.

Asuka gasped when the Eva's eyes narrowed intelligently.

The observation window crashed in on itself when Unit-01's fist smashed into it. Asuka stood there in useless, mute shock as the Beast's heavy blows slowly worked it way through the reinforced glass to her.

"Asuka!" Misato yelled. "Get away from the window! _Asuka_!"

"Maya!" Ritsuko said.

"I'm on it!"

Twice already had Unti-00 gone insane and tried to attack the Observation room crew. Not to be exposed a third time, NERV had installed an extra safety measure should the incident occur again.

Armored shudders closed over the shattered windows, caving in but not yielding as it resisted blow after angry blow from Unit-01.

Their view into Test Cage cut off, holographic monitors snapped online where the window had once been.

A baffled Aoba spoke up. "What the-? Auto-eject sequence has been initiated! The command signal was sent from _inside_ the plug!"

The armor at it's neck flying off, Unit-01's entry plug rocketed from the Evangelion, dragging itself along the small Test Cage's walls and ceiling before crashing onto the floor.

Ceasing its attack on the armored shudders, the Beast roared in pain. It's pilot gone, the thing stumbled around the cage like a purposeless drunk, throwing itself against the solid steel walls as it looked about desperately.

Nozzles sprung from their hidden places in the wall, spraying the erratic Evangelion with thick-hardening Bakelite. It's power seconds from being spent, the Beast fell to its knees, struggling as it slowly reached out to grasp at its entry plug. The final five seconds were pathetic to watch, an animal in a trap, vainly groping for the cub just beyond its reach.

Finally, the Evangelion stopped moving. The massive purple hand froze just feet from the wreck of the entry plug, its bright eyes going dark.

"Eva Unit-01 has gone silent," Aoba stammered, his adrenaline working itself off by his anxious shakes.

The threat over, the window's armored shudders slowly lifted, clearing the full view of the disaster. The Evangelion was frozen by the solid mountain of Bakelite that caked over it, the Test Cage itself was in crushed ruination.

Horrified tears in her eyes, Misato bolted out the room the second the Eva had gone still, leaving Dr. Akagi to oversee damage control. "Radio the recovery teams and get Commander Ikari on a secure line. He's not going to like this…"

Face slightly cut by shards of flying glass, Asuka had still remained where she had stood since the whole ordeal had begun. It had only last seventy-six seconds, but it seemed an eternity to the dazed Second Child.

Had Unit-01 actually tried to **_kill_** her?

Her blue eyes in a wide stupor, she stared down at the wrecked entry plug apathetically.

"Idiot"

* * *

The Observation Room window was not the only place that offered a view of the Test Cage. Leaning against a small square porthole in a lower level of the facility, Ryoji Kaji thoughtfully smoked a cigarette-blatantly disregarding the 'No Smoking' sign just a few feet behind him.

"Well now," he said to himself. "_That _was certainly interesting. Third one's always the charm; can't wait to see how this goes."

* * *

**Thank God, I've finally finished this chapter. It's by far the longest one- I've been solidly working on it for two days. Come to think about it, almost all my writing takes about two days. Go figure. And damn it all to hell, Kaji keeps writing himself in! Y'know, now _I'm_ starting to hate the bastard too. Anyways, I decided to pull a Tarintino on you guys, so you're just going to have to wait and see what the hell happened between Asuka and Shinji that morning. **

**Oh, and I apologize for the extreme trippiness of both Chapter 4 and the beginning of Chapter 5. What can I say? I try to keep everyone in character, and Evangelion's characters are messed up. **

**Chapter Six is in the works. See ya then,**

**-Cy**

**(P.S. Please keep those reviews coming. We need to feed my fragile writing ego) **


	6. I Dream of Morning

**I don't own Evangelion. Do you?

* * *

**

'_The greatest and most important problems of life are all fundamentally insoluble. _

_They can never be solved but only outgrown.'_

**-Carl Jung, psychologist **

Busy hospital staff streamed past her without so much as a look. Leaning against the hall's white-washed wall, Asuka vacantly watched them go by. The Second Child was without anywhere to go; the doctor had cleaned and bandaged her cuts from the glass shards of the shattering Observation Room window. Asuka had been officially discharged from the infirmary several minutes ago.

She might as well have been hospital furniture, Asuka hadn't even budged from the spot the nurse had left her. The blank jewels of sapphire that were her eyes never registered the bustling hallway of the hospital wing.

Her mind was elsewhere:

The Test Cage.

Evangelion Unit-01 tearing from its restraints like a wild animal.

Those glowing eyes meeting hers….narrowing with recognition…with murderous intent.

And in the end, with its entry plug ejected, the Eva- what Asuka had always believed as a blank, soulless weapon- had roared and moaned with desolate loss.

_Did Unit-01 actually try to kill me?_

Shinji.

Misato ran into the ruined Cage in tears the moment the Berserk Evangelion had gone still. The Entry Plug was a wreck, the hatch superheated and uselessly fused together. If Kaji hadn't held her back…she probably would have suffered worse than Third-Degree Burns on her hands.

The Recovery Team, cold and alien in their faceless haz-mat suits, had swept into Test Cage Two moments after the Major herself. The time spent sawing through the entry plug's wreckage with their laser cutters had been a torturous eternity to Misato. She had screamed furiously at them, so slow and ponderous their pace had seemed. But finally, they pulled Shinji- unconscious but alive- from the ruined plug and immediately rushed him to the medical wing before Misato could even get to the boy's side.

That had been just over an hour ago.

_Mein Gott…it seems so much longer._

She had not heard any update on Shinji's condition since then. Asuka found she did not really care.

**(At least, be human)**

Or maybe it just hurt too much to care.

A horrible thought crept hauntingly in the back of her mind ever since the accident.

_Is all of this my fault?_

Above everything else, what Asuka thought back most on was that morning.

The morning after Mother's Day.

Asuka vaguely recalled dreams of her mother. Herself as a little girl, running through the dark hallway until reaching that door. Her mother just….hanging there…feet dangling over the floor as the rope wrung her neck purple.

Even Post Mortem, she had looked so happy…almost relieved.

But the dream wasn't strong. It was weak, faded. Asuka could scarcely recall even having it. In fact, Asuka was certain it was the best night of sleep she had in a long while. While she did have the dream, it had been dreamt earlier that night. The rest of her sleep was deep, dreamless, and untroubled.

She remembered waking up comfortable, refreshed. Mind only half-awake, she unconsciously held something warm and soft without fully registering what it was.

Until it squeezed her hand.

Asuka was instantly awake then, stifling a gasp when she realized where she was. It happened sometimes; she sleepwalked, on occasion, and accidentally fell back asleep in Shinji's bed. The baka never knew, thank God. He was such a heavy sleeper, the dumbass probably wouldn't have known it even if she had ridden him the entire night.

She had shaken her head furiously at _that_ sudden thought. _Ew, ew, eeeeeew!_

And with sudden self-consciousness, Asuka realized she was lying in a boy's bed wearing nothing but a thin, flimsy top and a pair of underwear.

Very rarely does Asuka Langley Souryu blush.

Moving with the slow delicacy of someone disarming a bomb, Asuka slowly eased her arms off Shinji and tried to slip her hand out of his as gently as possible.

For over a week, Shinji Ikari suffered such horrible nightmares they bordered on full blown night-terrors. Afraid to fall asleep, Shinji's health was quickly falling into sleep deprivation and insomnia. The night he spent holding Asuka's hand in her bed was perhaps the best and longest night's sleep for him as while; ironic that neither of them knew what they did for the other.

Exhausted as his body was, Shinji couldn't help but notice the slow removal of something he tenderly held for an entire night. Shinji _knew _all about Asuka's unconscious visits into his room. He was wide awake whenever she sleepwalked in and always feigned deep sleep whenever she left the morning after.

In this one instance, Shinji waking up just as Asuka was trying to slip out unnoticed was probably the boy's biggest bit of bad luck since the day Gendo Ikari first ordered him to Tokyo 3 seven months ago. Mind muddled by drowsiness, he mumbled for her.

"Asuka?"

The redhead froze where she was, halfway out of the bed. She was caught, and she knew it. Every hot-tempered instinct screamed panic. Completely at a loss, Asuka turned to desperation.

"**Mother Fucker!**"

Kicking Shinji hard in the back of the head, she seized him by the collar of his shirt and roughly threw him off the bed.

Asleep only seconds ago, the young Ikari was fully awake now. A swift kick in the skull was a crude but effective wake-up call.

Feeling awkwardly underdressed, Asuka snatched the covers off of Shinji's bed and wrapped them around herself for humility's sake. "**_Sheitze!_ **Just what the hell did you think you were doing, you horny little lecher?"

Disoriented and clutching at his throbbing head, Shinji could only stammer. "W-w-what? This is my room! How can you even explain what _you're _doing here?"

"Don't try to change the subject, Third! You're not weaseling yourself out of this one!"

"There's nothing to weasel out of! _You're_ the one who was sleepwalking!"

Asuka stiffened as if she was insulted. "And while I was sleepwalking you tried to take advantage of me!"

Maybe it was the pain or the rude wake-up, but Shinji was unusually adamant with the girl who usually left him cowering. "By what? Holding your hand while you were crying?"

Her teeth clenching like fangs, Asuka hurled Shinji's own pillow at him. "**_Shut up!_** I _do not_ cry like some kind of child!"

Whatever little anger Shinji had for Asuka almost completely burned itself out. He looked at her sympathetically, recalling the strangling sobs for her mother Asuka had cried the night before.

"Asuka…" he said. "There's no shame in crying."

"Well I have more dignity than a pathetic little boy!" she snapped. "I don't cry! I'm stronger!"

The pain in his head forgotten, Shinji pulled himself off the floor. They were two different, completely contrasting people. But Shinji suddenly couldn't help but recognize all the things he and Asuka had in common…the same pain they _both_ felt. "It's alright, Asuka. I know what y-"

"As if someone like _you _could ever understand me!" she sneered.

"But…but…I do," Shinji insisted. "I…I lost my mom too, Asu-"

She was so fast; he hadn't expected it. Before his lips could even finish her name, Asuka slapped Shinji across the face as hard as she could. Cheek stinging, he actually staggered.

"Don't you even fucking _mention _my mother you fucking worm!" Asuka screamed.

Modesty forgotten, Asuka let the covers fall to the ground as she stood up. Face to face with Shinji, she regarded him with disgust. "You actually think we have something in common just because both our mothers are dead? Second Impact was fifteen years ago _dumkoff! Everyone's _lost someone! What makes you think you're so fucking special?"

Like a little dog, Shinji couldn't meet her eyes. "I-I don't think that I'm…"

"You _do!_" she said accusingly. "You need to validate your pointless existence by having people pity you! You think you have it _so hard _just because your mommy's dead. You're like a Goddamn pity whore!"

Hurt in more ways than one, Shinji was struggling to fight back the tears threatening his eyes. "Th-that's not true…"

"_Now _look at you! Who's the one crying now, Third? You think your problems are worse than anyone else's! You're so Goddamn self-centered! So what if my mother's dead? You don't see me moping around, trying to get pity. And you don't see my crying about it either! Tears _never _help; they only confirm just how pathetic you really are!"

Grimacing, Shinji replied with the only thing he had left. "So…I guess I was just imagining you crying in your sleep last night?"

He hadn't expected another one. Asuka slapped him hard across the face on his other cheek. His entire face burned now.

"Shut up! _Shut up_! **_Shut up_**! God damn it! I can't fucking _stand _you!"

"Is it because I'm just like you?" Shinji wondered quietly.

"**SHUT UP! **You're nothing like me! You're just a pathetic little boy crying for his mommy!"

"Don't you too?"

"I found my mother's fucking body after she fucking _hanged herself_!" Asuka exploded.

That revelation shocked Shinji more than any slap Asuka could give him. "Wh-? What?"

"That's right!" she said coarsely. "I was just five years-old when I was the first to know my mother killed herself!" Shinji shrank as she stepped closer to him, face red and eyes brimming with stubborn tears. "How did your mother die?" she sneered. "Did she get sick? Was it a car accident? Maybe she died when you were a baby during Second Impact! **So-fucking-what!** You don't see me crying over it! I'm not some pathetic wretch like _you_!"

Tears streamed silently down Shinji's face. He couldn't bring himself to speak to her. He couldn't even meet her withering glare.

"I can't even stand to look at you anymore. Get over your fucking self." She spat. Pushing Shinji aside, Asuka stalked out of his room, slamming the sliding door shut behind her.

As she went down the hallway back to her own room, Asuka heard Shinji fall to his knees behind the door, wracking with sobs.

"_God, I'm pathetic…"

* * *

_

Asuka jumped when she felt a hand slap on her shoulder. Broken out of her reverie, she senses returned her to the hospital hallway.

"There you are, Asuka!" a familiar voice said behind her. "I've been looking around for you, y'know."

As wonderful as it was to see Ryoji Kaji again, Asuka found she could not bring herself to be as excited as she normally would have been. "Oh, hi there Kaji. What do you mean you were looking for me?"

"Well, Katsuragi's waiting over at the ER for an update on Shinji's condition, so I drafted myself up to keep an eye on you while your Guardian was tied up."

"Oh…" was really all she could say.

"Aren't you worried about Shinji?" Kaji asked her. "Don't you want to wait with Misato to see if he's gonna be alright?"

Switching to no-nonsense mode, Asuka shrugged away Kaji's question. "I could hardly care less what happens to that idiot, it was his own fault what happened."

Frowning to himself briefly, Kaji gave Asuka his best, most charming grin. "Well then, if you don't want to be bored at the hospital waiting room, how about you and I go out someplace?"

"Sure!" Asuka said brightly. It was like a date to the entranced girl.

"Shall we, M'lady?" he bowed, offering her his arm.

The turbulence of the day forgotten, Asuka wondered where her crush would be taking her. Shopping? A fancy restaurant? Shopping _and _a fancy restaurant? Or maybe an…

* * *

"Aquarium?"

Tokyo 3's Aquarium was completely devoid of anyone, staff or visitors. A startling array of fish glanced at Asuka stupidly as they swam by from behind the wall of glass that separated them.

"Yeah," Kaji grinned. "Ain't it great? When the elevation, temperatures, and currents of the oceans changed so dramatically during the Second Impact, thousands of families of fish and coral were completely wiped out. It's kinda ironic, really. The fish that lived in human captivity were the only ones of their species to survive. These fish here are among the rarest in the world now."

Asuka rolled her eyes behind Kaji's back, "Fascinating, really…"

Hands in his pockets, Kaji walked over to a nearby bench and sat himself down. Sighing, Asuka sat next to him.

"Second Impact," he muttered nostalgically under his breath. "We sure have come a long way."

"I guess," Asuka agreed with a shrug.

"Why, I remember back when Project E and the very concept of an Evangelion was just theory and politics. Just think how much progress we've made with them. That accident today? Gehirn scientists would've given up their limbs just to have _that_."

The unfamiliar word caught the girl's interest. "Gehirn?"

"It was the organization that handled all research work regarding the Angels, Project E, and the Second Impact." Kaji explained. "I guess you could call it Nerv's predecessor, of sorts."

"Gehirn means 'brain', Nerv is 'nerve'," Asuka nodded. "Makes sense, I guess."

"Of course," Kaji pointed out. "The Eva Project wouldn't be where it was now without Professor Ikari. If it wasn't for her, we'd probably still be doing half-assed synch-experiments. She set the foundations for Project-E that every scientistin the program hasused since."

Catching the word, The Second Child wheeled to face Kaji. "Wait a minute! _She?_ I thought you were talking about Commander Ikari!"

The Nerv Agent laughed at that. "Commander Ikari's an intelligent man, but he was far from a genius when it came to bio-technology. I'm talking about the Yui Ikari, Asuka. She was the Commander's wife."

Her eyes widened with disbelief. "Then that means she was…"

"Shinji's mother," Kaji confirmed. "You two work together, hasn't he ever told you anything about her?"

"No, we never really talked about anything like that." Asuka was shaken inwardly. Her mother, Kyoko Souryu, had been a renowned scientist as well. The similarities were unsettling.

"No, I suppose he wouldn't mention her." Kaji said. "She died when he was only four; there's not exactly much anyone can remember at that age."

The last seed was sown, and Kaji knew exactly what Asuka's next question was. "Kaji? How…_did_ Shinji's mother die?"

Just as he was about to answer her, Kaji stopped himself. "I'm sorry, Asuka. I'm afraid I really can't tell you that. Any details regarding the incident are…classified."

"Classified! Why the hell is it classified? Nerv wouldn't just restrict that kind of information unless…wait…did you say it was an _incident_?"

"I really shouldn't say anything..." Kaji trailed off.

"Come on, Mr. Kaji!" she implored. "Shinji's my roommate! I think I have a right to know!"

Sighing wearily, Kaji finally relented. "All I can tell you is that Professor Ikari was undergoing Synchronization Experiments with an Evangelion Prototype. There was an accident, and she was killed. Investigations afterwards never discovered the cause of the incident. It had never happened before, and it was the Thirteenth Test she had done."

"Mein Gott," she breathed. "No wonder Shinji hates the Evas…"

"Shinji doesn't even remember it." Kaji corrected her.

All the right words were slipped out; Asuka was a smart girl, she could piece it together. "Remember it? You mean he actually _saw _it?"

Pretending to wince, Kaji said: "Yes…Yui Ikari had invited her son to watch the experiment. She wanted him to see what promise the future would have with their work…and instead that little boy saw his mother die right in front of him."

Asuka's entire body seemed to freeze in horror, clutching her head, she stooped where she sat.

She barely heard Kaji's concerned voice. "Asuka? Are you alright? _Asuka!_"

_Herself as a little girl, running through the dark hallway until reaching that door. Her mother just….hanging there…feet dangling over the floor as the rope wrung her neck purple. _

_She had looked so happy…almost relieved._

"_How did your mother die?" _she had sneered. _"Did she get sick? Was it a car accident? Maybe she died when you were a baby during Second Impact!" _

No. It wasn't any of those things.

At four years old, Shinji had seen his mommy get swallowed up by a giant monster.

Asuka had found her mother's body after she had died.

Shinji had actually seen it happen.

_Oh God oh God oh God oh God…_

Asuka was overwhelmed with self-loathing, fingers frantically tearing at her own hair. "Oh God, Kaji…you don't know what I said to him…I had no idea…God! I'm such a **_Bitch_**! What the hell kind of person am I, Kaji?"

"Just a person," he assured her.

She felt his arm drape over her shoulder and pull her closer. Collapsing onto his lap, Asuka Langley Souryu consciously let herself cry. Kaji was silently there for her as she went, shoulders shaking with her sobs. The walls around her heart lowered themselves; Asuka wept tears long overdue since her mother had died almost a decade ago. She was vulnerable and weak in those minutes, but Kaji's embrace was comforting…something solid…something that healed. She trusted him, and he did not judge her.

After several long minutes, her tears finally subsided. Kaji easing him arms off her, she sat herself up as she wiped moisture off her reddened eyes.

It was as if she had been drowning all her life; Asuka's heart flooded with things held back for so long, it wasall overflowing out. When it all finally ended, there was a sense of emptiness...but with the promise of something new, something _better_, taking the place of where the pain had once been.

"Kaji…?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, Asuka?"

"Could you…drive me back to the hospital?"

He smiled at her warmly. "Of course."

* * *

**Thank God! I had finished this fic on Monday,but a damn bug in the document manager hasn't let me upload this Chapter until now- at last! I know this was long overdue folks, I hope it was worth it.**

**And as much as I know this will bring tears to some, the next chapter- Chapter 7- will be the end of Mother's Memory. Lower the torches, oh-merciless mob. Mother's Memory may soon be over, but you can't keep an obsessive Evangelion fan like me away from it for very long. I already have a few ideas in the works, just be sure to keep an eye out for me. **

**Until the Last Update,**

**-Cyrus **


	7. It's not the End, It's Intermission

**Start paying attention, I don't own Evangelion. I also make no claims to the poem Do not go gentle into that good night, which is the acclaimed work of Dylan Thomas. Here it is, the Last Chapter. Enjoy:

* * *

**

'_The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two_

_chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.'_

**-Carl Jung, psychologist**

Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki leaned forward in his chair, studying the board carefully. Hands clasped before his face, Gendo Ikari sat patiently across from his old Professor; a shogi board atop the desk between them.

Shogi, Japanese chess, was a common pastime between the two Nerv commanders. Used as a way to sharpen the skill and strategy of warrior monks centuries ago, Masters of shogi were renowned with the tactical foresight to plan over a hundred moves ahead; effectively countering enemy maneuvers before they even made them.

Even in such modern times, few could match Gendo Ikari in the art of subtle, deliberate planning and manipulation. In all the years Fuyutsuki had known him, the retired Professor had never won a game against his old pupil.

That didn't stop the stubborn old man from trying.

After a few more minutes of silent deliberation, Fuyutsuki's fingers bravely reached out and set the pawn a full square ahead of its last position. Without a pause, the Commander's white-gloved hand pushed a 'lance' tile across the board in a flanking maneuver.

"I received a memorandum from Chairman Kiel," the Sub-Commander said matter-of-factly. "He's demanding a full report of yesterday's incident with Unit-01."

Expression set in stone, Ikari replied with disdain. "The Old Men are too predictable. I've already had Dr. Akagi draft a complete report regarding the incident."

"In just a day?"

Eyes hidden behind his glasses, the Nerv commander produced a thick file from a desk drawer and set it on the tabletop; just another playing piece in a larger, more dangerous game. "After analyzing all relevant data from the Test Lab and Unit-01's AC recorder, all three MAGI have agreed the accident was the result of a pilot error brought upon by severe emotional distress."

Fuyutsuki raised an eyebrow incredulously. "Pilot Error? You can't be serious! The boy's practically comatose from Mental Contamination, Ikari!"

"The result of the pilot's incompetence is irrelevant. What is truly pertinent is the _cause_, Fuyutsuki."

'The _pilot_' Fuyutsuki scoffed inwardly. He couldn't even recall the last time Ikari had even referred to his son by name. "And what, specifically, was the cause, do you think?"

The Commander noticeably paused before replying. "The Pilot's mental anguish attracted the Eva's deeper nature. She tried to comfort him, but instead, the fool's mind interpreted this as an invasion of his psyche and fought against her. This rejection was the cause of the Unit-01's…reaction."

"It went Berserk."

"Precisely."

Kozou Fuyutsuki frowned slightly, hiding his revolted grimace. This was_ exactly _what the old man had tried to prevent when he ordered Kaji to confront Shinji. Gendo Ikari's cruel neglect of his own son's welfare bled into Nerv and the Evas, and now the bastard hung Shinji out for the SELEE to crucify in order to protect Unti-01.

"It's your move, Fuyutsuki." The Commander reminded him evenly.

Brow drawn, Kozou did his best to forget the young Ikari's misfortune and turned his attention back to the board. Moving his knight to counter the Ikari Elder's lance, Fuyutsuki asked. "So, what's Unit-01's current status?"

"It will be fully excavated from the bakelite infusion in approximately seventeen hours. After that, Dr. Akagi will oversee minor repairs and a comprehensive inspection before we schedule a reactivation test."

"And if the Third Child is unfit to pilot?"

"So long as he's conscious enough to synchronize, we'll use him even if he can't walk."

_Touching, _Fuyutsuki grumbled to himself. "Your move, Ikari."

The glove hand snaked almost mockingly over the board as he pushed the Silver General's tile onto the final square.

The Sub-Commander groaned. Why hadn't he seen that _before_?

"Checkmate."

* * *

His condition finally stabilized, Shinji laid soundly his hospital bed, the sedatives fed into the boy's bloodstream soothing him into a mercifully dreamless sleep. The cardiac monitor above his head chimed steadily along with his heartbeat as a neighboring psychograph took quiet note of the Third Child's brain activity.

Rei Ayanami sat diligently at Shinji's bedside, hands folded in her lap. Beside the First Child, Asuka slept stiffly in a commandeered hospital chair, arms crossed and head tilted lazily to a side.

Though Rei could not quite understand the significance, she nonetheless noted the way Pilot Souryu's chest rose and fell with the electronic beeps of Ikari's heart monitor.

The First Child herself wasn't certain why she had come, or even why she had waited with Souryu and the Major for an update on Ikari's condition. While her expression never ventured off the cold disinterest she endlessly held, Rei internally struggled with the strange sensations fluttering her insides.

_What is this that I feel?_ She asked herself.

Anxiety. Concern. _Concern for Ikari?_

Uncertainty. _Why am I here? Why trouble myself with all of this? What can I possibly do that would make a difference now? _

Powerlessness. _What use am I? _

Ayanami's pale hands unconsciously clutched the small object in her lap.

Her scarlet eyes fell on the sleeping boy's face.

He had come for her, after the battle with the Fifth Angel. Ikari had pried open the super-heated entry plug- just as the Commander had.

Like so many things the boy did, his tears confused her.

"_You're crying again…You were crying yesterday…in your sleep. Why are you so sad?"_

"_Dummy…" _he said as he rubbed the tears from his eyes. _"That's not it! I'm crying because I'm just happy you're alive."_

"…_because you're happy? You cry when you're happy too..."_

_Why? Why feel such happiness for a doll? I'm replaceable. _

As always, Rei found herself perplexed by conflicting sensations and feelings. She simply…_felt_…as if a something invisible caressed the cold hollow of her chest.

"_I'm sorry. I don't know what to feel or say in a situation like this…"_

Tears budding in his warm brown eyes, Ikari had smiled. _"Have you tried smiling?"_

Ikari had visited her later, in the hospital, just as she was now. He had brought something: a 'get-well present', he had called it.

A Present…a 'gift'.

Ayanami's reaction then had been curious and puzzled, her expression even. But now…just the memory brought a pink rise to her cheeks.

No one had ever given her a gift. Not even Him.

A small book.

A book of poetry.

_Poetry?_

Ikari's explanation had been nervous and stammering. _"I just thought…well…it's just…maybe it can help you with…your…uh…I'm sorry…"_

Unsure why the Third had apologized, Rei stared as he hastily excused himself, alluding vaguely to an arrangement with classmates Aida and Suzahara.

Left on her own in the hospital bed, Ayanami had opened the book's first page and read.

Her mind suddenly lifted with the thought.

She was not entirely powerless.

Pallid fingers lightly brushing the cover of the small, humble black book in her lap, Rei delicately turned each page until she found the one she sought. Slipping a brief glance as Shinji slept on, Rei softly read the page aloud; her voice barely above a whisper.

"_Do not go gentle into that good night, _

_Old age should burn and rave at close of day;_

_Rage, rage against the dying of the light._

_Though wise men at their end know dark is right,_

_Because their words had forked no lightning they_

_Do not go gentle into that good night._

_Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright_

_Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,_

_Rage, rage, against the dying of the light_

_Wild men, who caught and sang the sun in flight,_

_And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,_

_Do not go gentle into that good night_

_Brave men, near death, who see with blinding sight,_

_Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,_

_Rage, rage against the dying of the light. _

_And you, my father, there on the sad height,_

_Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray_

_Do not go gentle into that good night._

_Rage, rage against the dying of the light."_

Gently closing the book, Rei shut her eyes as a pressure tugged insistently at them from inside her head; the invisible veins pulsed an ache in her orbs. She was familiar with this reaction- thought its nature was still lost to her. The collection of poems kept in that small book's pages brought about a spectrum of feelings and sensations… the verses sometimes even allowing Rei to attach a word and meaning to them.

While Ikari had never finished explaining why he had given her that book, Ayanami was slowly coming to understand…

It was almost as if…

Her scarlet eyes snapped open when a familiar voice groaned. "This _again_? I hate this ceiling…"

Awake in his hospital bed, Ikari stared up at the First Child with drowsy, misted eyes. "Ayanami…?"

"You're awake," she said, her usual flat tone masking the sharp rush of elation in her chest.

_Relief?_

"How are you feeling?"

Muscles blunted by the sedatives, he struggled to sit upright. "Fine, I guess," he sighed while massaging the bridge of his nose. "My head's killing me though…"

"Understandable," she nodded.

Spotting the proverbial splash of red hair snoozing next to Rei, Shinji guardedly asked. "What's Asuka doing here?"

Privately considering the question rather obvious, Rei nonetheless answered mechanically. "Pilot Souryu and Major Katsuragi waited at the E.R. for a change in your condition; I believe they stayed the night."

Shinji seemed utterly taken aback by the answer, painfully recalling him and Asuka's fight from yesterday. "But…why would she do that?"

"I do not assume to know Pilot Souryu's motives."

Shifting uncomfortably, Shinji hastily changed the subject. "Where's Misato?"

"The Major left with Mr. Ryoji for coffee, they should be returning shortly."

The two sat in awkward silence, the perpetual tones of Shinji's monitors feebly filling the room's stillness. Biting his lip, Shinji spoke up hesitantly. "Ayanami?"

"Yes?"

"When I was asleep…I think I heard your voice…like you were…well…saying something to me…"

"Perhaps you were dreaming," Rei suggested coolly.

Shyly avoiding Rei's gaze, Shinji's shoulder's slumped. "I'm sorry…I just thought…"

"The Doctors should be notified you are awake," Rei declared, abruptly standing. Brushing silently past the boy, the door slid open as she approached it.

But she paused in the doorway, her back to him. "Ikari?"

Shinji's head perked. "What's wrong, Rei?"

**Silly thing, Little dolls cannot be mothers**

The words came out slowly, as if it were a struggle to say them. "That time before…when you said I would make a good mother…did you really mean it?"

Even though she could not see it, Shinji smiled reassuringly. "Of course I mean it, Ayanami! I can't imagine you being unkind to anyone, never mind your own child!"

Rei was grateful she wasn't facing Ikari as warmth flushed her cheeks.

A moment a severe self-consciousness.

_Embarrassment. _

"It is…fortunate you are not dead, Ikari." She managed.

The door shut itself behind her.

Shinji blinked to himself. _I guess that's just Rei's way of saying 'I'm glad you're alive'._

Wondering how he could possibly be so tired after being unconscious for eighteen hours, the Third Child leaned back wearily on his pillow, reveling the room's calm stillness. He caught himself watching Asuka from the corners of his vision; volatile as she was awake, Shinji couldn't help appreciating her beauty as she slept. Luxurious red hair flowing to the shoulders, her flawless skin smooth like cream, the lithe, comely shape and curves of her body...the light, sinuous mounds of her breasts…

Shinji slapped himself on the side of the head. With Asuka asleep, _someone_ had to keep him 'in line'. _Get a hold of yourself, dammit! Face it: she hates you, she said it to your face! Nothing good would ever come out it! _

Excessively self-conscious, Shinji's greatest fear was to be hated. Even if a complete stranger took an instant disliking of him, the boy often took such news with depression and self loathing; his very self-worth defined by the others around him.

But as much as Asuka's hatred of him hurt, it hurt far worse when he loved her.

Even though the only other person in the room was fast asleep, Shinji reddened with shame for admiring the object of his heartache.

Remembering the night he and Asuka slept peacefully in the same bed…her arms wrapped around his waist as he held her hand…his fingers twinged for the touch of her hand like an amputee still feeling the ghost of a limb.

Why was he torturing himself like this?

"God, I'm pathetic."

"**SHINJI!" **

He started as Misato came bursting into the room, tears of relief clogging her eyes. Before he could even spot his guardian's red jacket, Misato already had him in a bone crushing hug. "Thank God you're awake!"

_Asphyxiation by hug, _he thought to himself. "Uh…Misato?" Shinji choked. "Kinda hard time breathing here…"

"What? Oh right! Sorry."

He gasped a full breath when Misato finally released her stranglehold on him…only to have his breath tangle in his throat when he saw Asuka sitting awake in her chair, arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

Her bright blue eyes narrowed irritably. "It's about time you woke up, lazy ass."

Nearly choking with naked panic, Shinji couldn't answer. He averted his eyes from her.

"Hey," Kaji waved, leaning against the doorway. "Nice to see you up, Ikari."

Dr. Akagi, pockets in her white labcoat, edged past the ever-unkempt Mr. Kaji at the door and strode up to Shinji with a pleasing smile. "Excellent to see you awake Shinji," she said sincerely. "How are you feeling?"

"Good, I guess," he shrugged. "I'm tired and I've got a bit of a headache, though."

The blonde-haired scientist jotted several notes onto Shinji's chart as she nodded. "That's to be expected. We'll run a few tests to be sure, but your quickly regaining consciousness rules out the possibility of any lasting damage from Mental Contamination."

Still flurried with concern, the Major cupped her charges head. "Are you sure you're alright Shinji."

"_Mein Gott_, Misato!" Asuka snorted, refusing to even look in Shinji's general direction. "The baka's head hurts a little; there's nothing serious he keeps up there!"

Behind the Katsuragi 'family', Kaji and Ritsuko Akagi shared knowing glances with each other. Shinji stuttering and nervous, Asuka stubbornly irritable, both children refusing to look at one another…

Kaji nodded to the silent question Dr. Akagi's eyes asked. _'Oh yeah…'_

Waltzing behind Misato as she fretted over Shinji, he brightly said: "Say, Katsuragi! Shinji here's in good health now, how about we go celebrate with a drink or something, give the kid some air, huh?"

Misato blinked densely. "Wha-? Shin-chan just woke up! I'm not just gonna leave him so soon-"

"Oh come on, Misato," Ritsuko joined in. "You're off duty, we could even grab you a beer…"

"**Count me in!**" she hooted at once.

"You kids behave now," Kaji chuckled to Asuka and Shinji, staring dumbfounded at their guardian.

The door hissed shut, cutting off Misato's boisterous whoops.

Neither of them spoke, not even so much as looking at each other. Sweating heavily, Shinji muster more courage than he even knew he had- he'd had preferred climbing into Unit-01 and tackling an Angel solo over this…

"It came as a surprise…" Shinji managed. "You staying here so long for me to wake up…even after…well, you know…"

Excluding Ayanami (who always wore the same expression), it seemed every woman Shinji knew had 'the look'. That predatory, narrow-eyed look that portended hellish torments beyond reckoning.

Exceedingly talented in everything, it seemed, the warning 'look' Asuka gave him even gave the heart monitor a nervous 'eep'. "Don't get any funny ideas, Third. It was either here, or being alone all night at the apartment with that damn greedy bird. You were the lesser of two evils."

Shinji winced feebly. "Oh."

Yet another span of thick silence. Shamefully remembering the admiring looks he had given Asuka as she slept, he blushed furiously. Finally, he spoke up again, hanging his head pitifully low. "I-I'm sorry…Asuka…"

"Sorry for what?" she grunted.

The boy's face grew redder. Had he been a turtle, his head would've shrunk into his shell. "For yesterday…I mean. When you woke up and I was…the things I said…I-I never knew, Asuka. I'm so sorry…"

"Oh shut up already," Asuka's snapped. "Jesus, you think _everything's _your fault! Do you really believe I'd expect you to know how my mom died?"

"Well…no" he stammered. "…but-"

"But _what? _People aren't perfect; _you _less so. We all make mistakes, we all say or do things we shouldn't have, things we regret later…"

The decisive edge in the redhead's voice fell, her statement trailing off.

"Asuka," Shinji said. "What are you trying to say?"

"All I'm saying is, even _I _can make a mistake sometimes!"

Shinji gawked. This just _couldn't _be going where he thought it was. It just couldn't. "Asuka…are you…_apologizing?_"

Biting her lip, Asuka stared nervously down at her feet. "Listen, Baka. I…I had no right to say that stuff about your mom; I went too far there. It doesn't matter how my mom died compared to yours. Everyone's got pain and problems just like us. No matter how depressed you are, someone's always got it worse than you, and then you get even _more _depressed about being depressed over something that isn't such a big deal. Truth is, it's your pain, it's your hurt, regardless if someone else's is 'worse'…"

Shinji forgot their fight just last morning, it didn't matter. His look was that of selfless sympathy as Asuka's monologue no longer seemed directed to him. It was almost as if she was talking to herself now.

"Asuka?"

"Yeah," she finished, suddenly meeting Shinji's eyes. "I'm saying…I'm sorry, Shinji."

Catching the longing gaze her gave her, Shinji shyly broke eye contact with her; he blushed. "T-thank you, Asuka…."

The unspoken understanding they shared still bound them, two children of the same age, sharing the same pain of a mother's absence…

Different as they were, Asuka and Shinji were so very alike as well.

God, after all, cut all hearts from the same cloth.

They still could not speak or look at each other, this time more over shyness than anything else. Peeking over her shoulder, Asuka felt the same rush of blood to her cheeks from the morning she woke up with Shinji in her arms.

Remembering the night she slept peacefully in the same bed with him…her arms wrapped around his waist as he held her hand…

Her fingers twinged for the touch of his hand like an amputee still feeling the ghost of a limb. That deep, private wish for that someone…to feel wanted, accepted. She was always…trapped, forced to do and act what was expected of her, playing off the script Life gave her.

She wanted the Lie, she wanted the Farce, to finally end. She wanted to be herself, and damn everyone else who didn't like it!

If Life's a play, fuck theater.

"You still owe me."

The baka's face knitted in confusion. He was cute, especially when he was being an idiot. "Huh?"

Grinning wolfishly, Asuka stood out of her chair and leaned toward Shinji aggressively. He cringed back. "I had my first kiss with you. You're a crappy kisser."

He looked away, his face crimson.

"You ruined my first kiss, you owe me, Third!" she said. "I want another one."

_Oh God…_

Standing at the bedside, Asuka leaned down and held the sides of his head.

He felt Asuka's breath on him.

Her face dominated his vision.

Shinji's heart caught in his throat, his rushing blood froze in his throbbing veins.

_Oh God oh God oh God oh God_

Shinji's entire body was numb as Asuka's lips pressed against his.

The idiot was petrified, his lips completely unresponsive as hers played against his.

She smiled to herself. _He's holding his breath this time._

He was like clay. Soft, submissive, shifting and enveloping her lips where they touched.

After a drawn eternity, Asuka's ministrations slowed until she gently released Shinji's head as she pulled back.

"Meh, it was alright," she decided. "At least it was an improvement from last ti-"

Awkwardly wrapping his arms around her neck, Shinji pulled Asuka towards him. She gasped as she lost her balance, knees tripping over the bedside. Asuka Langley Souryu fell on top of Shinji Ikari as he kissed her passionately. Their basic drives stirring, Asuka's knees straddled Shinji's hips as his tongue slipped into her mouth. They were lost in each other; the warmth, the moisture. Her breasts flattened against his chest, their hearts met and beat as one, nothing but blood, flesh and fabric separating them.

Their lips parted, they panted heavily as Asuka's face hung over him.

"God, Asuka…" Shinji breathed. Her eyes were glistening, sapphire pools; her hair tickled his face. "I-I think I lov-"

"Oh hush, Baka." She gave Shinji the first pure, happy smile she remembered since she was an untroubled little girl. Asuka brushed her nose against his. "You're ruining the moment."

Just as their lips drew together for another kiss, they heard a small, mechanical click.

Freezing, Asuka and Shinji warily turned their heads together.

Misato grinned in the doorway, her cell phone flipped open as Kaji and Ritsuko crowded for a look behind her shoulders. "Heh. You were right Ritsu. This camera-phone was soooooooooo worth the money!"

Face comparable with Asuka's hair, Shinji wanted nothing more than to sink into the mattress and never come out again.

Asuka, on the other hand…

"God dammit! _Misato!_ Give me that camera _right now!_"

"Whoohooo! Shin-chan **scores! **He musta put some serious moves on ya Asuka!"

"I said _give me the camera!_" Pouncing off the bed, Asuka barreled at Misato, who merely laughed and scurried into the hallway.

"I definitely saw tongue! What would have happened if we hadn't come in, huh?"

"That's IT! I'm gonna kill you!"

Ritsuko having gone off to prevent Asuka from murdering her guardian in the hospital's hallway, Kaji leaned a shoulder against the doorframe and gave the boy a thumbs-up. "Good luck with that one Ikari, you sure know how to pick 'em."

Waving goodbye, Kaji waltzed from of the room, no doubt eager to see a possible catfight.

Alone in his hospital bed, Shinji chortled to himself. "Asuka's still Asuka…"

_The End

* * *

_

**Yes, I know there was a serious delay in this last update. Writer's block hit, and this chapter was easily the most difficult fanfiction I've ever written. To the noteworthy author of 'The Notebook' Hamstadini, while I do admit I borrowed the idea of Shinji giving a gift to Rei from your great story, I had planned quite a long time ago for it to be a book of poetry (that part was all me). If you feel I've robbed you, I give you my most sincere apologies. **

**I would like to give a huge thanks to everyone who took the time to read and review Mother's Memory, especially those who have reviewed this story since chapter one. With 63 reviews at my last count, I consider this, my first Evangelion fanfiction, to me a monumental success in regards to you fans. Mind you, I still have a lot of work to do before I'm satisfied with my own writing. I'm just glad someone else is, at least. **

**I realize many of you are saddened by the fact this was only a 7 Chapter Story. Don't worry all, I have ambitious plans for an upcoming Evangelion fic, so keep an ear open for me. **

**My deepest thanks,**

**-ShinobiCyrus **


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